11/6/09
Wow. I made it to 36. I don't feel "old", yet I do feel older. All it takes is a look in the mirror. There are lines and marks that say, yes, you've been here for awhile. I probably wouldn't risk jumping on a pogo stick now. Not because I couldn't pull it off, but because too many people depend on my health and well-being now! Life falls apart when a mother gets sick or hurt. I also feel older when I observe teenagers. Their actions either appall me or amuse me greatly, and that can only happen when you're not one of them anymore. I'm sentimental about things and people I once shared company with. I see the reason for my trials, the point in past sufferings. I see what my mother was talking about.
My greatest joys are brought by the memories I am making with my family, not the label on my jeans or the price tag on my car. And the struggles or disappointments of my children, whenever they occur, these are my greatest defeats. But they too will see the purpose for their pain one day far from now.
I've changed alot this year. I quit my job this summer to stay at home and be a housewife/school volunteer. I lost almost 40 pounds and 5 dress sizes. I got my nose pierced--so unlike me, but now I realize it always WAS me. I'm just brave enough to do it now. Mommy had a heart attack just two and a half weeks ago. That was a wakeup call to my own mortality, to the importance of "now", the value of family and all the other emotions that come to you when one of the most important people in your life almost loses theirs.
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